On Saturday we attended our first South African wedding. It's not every day that you get invited to an African wedding, but in actual fact, we were invited almost as soon as we'd arrived at Refilwe back in February! The happy couple, Richard and Dudu, have both worked at Refilwe for a number of years. Dudu (or Mama Dudu, as she is known by everyone) has been a God Parent to six children for almost three years. Until now, she has been parenting them alone, which has presented more than a few challenges! Richard works in Refilwe's health care programs and currently works closely with Amanda during the week. The couple met here at Refilwe and fittingly had their wedding here as well.
The African Wedding is a very Big Deal. This wedding involved many people and a huge amount of planning and preparation (no different to anywhere in the world, really!). All of Dudu's foster children were in the bridal party, along with several other Refilwe employees and volunteers. Ever since we arrived at Refilwe, the bridal party was having weekly dance rehearsals to master the different steps involved throughout the day. Richard's family came from Zambia in order to take part in the day: there were literally people from all over the world at this wedding!
Something we have recently learned is that many South Africans do not get married because of the great cost involved. Not only do you have to pay for dresses, suits, food, a church, photography and all the other wedding paraphernalia, but in the African cultures there is also the issue of paying a lobola. Traditionally, the lobola is a monetary or material gift paid by the groom's family to the bride's family to secure a marriage. A long time ago it would have been negotiated in terms of numbers of cows, but these days it is more likely to be discussed in terms of money. The bride's family can set an amount that is considered to be an honorable price for their daughter's hand and any prospective husband must be able to pay this before making her his wife. With so many people living in poverty, many men are not able to pay the necessary amount, so do not marry their partners, further adding to some of the social problems in some areas.
Being a tradition that stems from ideas of male dominance and of women as possessions, you would think that younger generations would be baulking at paying lobola in this day and age.
Yet, in my conversations with different women and girls about this issue over the past couple of months, I have learned that they do not see it in this light (must be my feminist side coming through!). One of the Mamas here described to me how disrespected she would feel if a prospective husband of hers discarded the tradition of lobola. Another girl explained how the tradition is important for her family to ensure that she is well taken care of. It seems that there is a sense of honor and pride that comes from the expectation of lobola and that this sense is more prevalent than notions of ownership and dominance. To be honest, I am still a little skeptical of the whole thing, however I am realising how necessary it is to look at everything from more than one, or even more than two, angles to understand its meaning.
My mum and dad arrived in South Africa on Thursday, which meant they were just in time for the festivities! We have so far had a great time catching up with them and letting them spoil us! We are heading off later in the week for a holiday at Kruger National Park. You can expect lots of photos upon our return!
Below is some of the video I took of some of the many occurences of dancing at the wedding. Hope you enjoy it as much as we did!
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